Cole vs the Birthday Card

You know those times in life when you’re furious, or upset, or frustrated, but in the back of your head there’s a little voice that knows this is going to make a great story later? It was like that when I locked myself out of my apartment on Friday night in Germany (the Hausmeister was gone, possibly for the weekend, and even the police station was closed). It was also there the time I had to beg the janitors for twenty minutes to let me inside the cafeteria so I could put money on my student card to do laundry for the weekend. And it was there again last Friday when I heard Trey come out of our bedroom and start yelling at the dog. (Why do all catastrophes happen on Fridays? No clue; the universe must hate fun ;-) )

So there I am, in my office trying to get a bit of work done. Trey has time off, so he’s doing whatever, reading or tv or something, and the dog is mostly hanging out with him. I guess Trey decided to take a shower and thought that either Cole would come hang out in my office so I could watch him, or that he was old enough now, he could behave himself. Now any of you who have ever had a lab may think those are stupid assumptions. Labs eat everything when they’re left alone. True, especially of my lab growing up, but Cole hasn’t had the normal chewing issues. Yes he ate his Gentle Leader collar, but he hated that thing. For the most part he knows and loves his toys and restricts his chewing to them. All that to say, Trey’s assumptions (or maybe “hopes” is a better word?) were not far off base. But for us to have a story, of course, neither of them came true. Which is how I came to be sitting in my office overhearing Trey’s gasp of anger at something the dog had done.

Images of a carpet saturated with pee or poop immediately came into my head, but that didn’t seem to warrant the fury coming from the other end of the house. I mean that’s just something you clean up and move on about. So then I started wondering what precious item had been eaten, shoes? clothes (he does have a weird attraction to socks and underwear)? Nope. He ate money. $30 in cold hard cash. Now in case you’re thinking $30 isn’t a lot (maybe your pooch gnawed some ultra expense pair of shoes?) let me point out to you that $20 is his entire food budget for the month, and the fact that it was cash meant it could have been spent on anything. So, in effect, he ate an infinite possibility of items that total $30- a pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, a nice dinner out, or one and a half jumbo bags of dog food.

But back to how he came across $30 in cash. See I had gotten a birthday card in the mail earlier. It was a nice card with the aforementioned cash in it, and I had set it on the coffee table, the same  coffee table where Cole regularly ignores a bowl full of candy. Apparently paper is more enticing than chocolate however, because when Trey came out of the bedroom, all he saw was Cole lying next to a small scrap of twenty dollar bill.

As it turned out, we were able to find several more scraps and even reconstruct an entire ten dollar bill. The most we found of the card was four tiny pieces.

Cole v Cash_001

Oh and the triangle that’s missing from the twenty? Apparently that’s the one section the bank teller needed to be able to deposit the bill. I just hope Cole realizes that he doesn’t get to eat next month… :-)

Cole v Cash_002



  • Jackie says:

    I share your pain. Calbert once ate half, exactly, the left (and important) half, of a twenty dollar bill. Off my dad’s desk. He’s gotten smarter since then. Dad’s desk is for sleeping under, not for finding things to eat.

  • Tammy Hall says:

    Are you sure Cole ate the money?? Did you SEE him do it?? He is innocent until proven guilty–or until his next poop contains a twenty dollar triangle :)

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